Saturday, 14 February 2009

Your Neighbor Is A Witch If


Your Neighbor Is A Witch If Image
You casually ask what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down to the exact number of days, hour and minute of rising, position on horizon and current angle of declination.

All the stray cats in the neighborhood tend to congregate in her garden (and use your own as their litter)

The local kids talk in whispers as they go past her house, then start running at the last moment.

Footprints on the roof. And the trees in her flight path have been pruned down. I swear it's true.

She can't make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs to it. And don't ask her for a cup of tea unless you want something yellow colored and smelling of flowers.

The Jehovah's witnesses never call. (not anymore; not after last time.)

Keeps the local scented candle shop solvent.

Her house always smells on incense.

She named her four cats Beelzebub, Kali, Diana and Moonbeam.

She frequently gets raided by the DEA who confiscate large amounts of dried green leaves; they always return them with apologies after analysis.

You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the wall. If you look out of the window, it is usually a full moon.

She was given a bodhram drum for her birthday and she plays it at midnight in the fields. And she has a blasted tamborine.

You discover that her resin skull ornament in her living room is real.

You catch her hugging a tree.

You notice that the parish priest crosses himself whenever he walks past her house.

She never watches television. And she has shelves full of books with black spines and silver lettering.

To your certain knowledge she has never set foot in the local church. In fact, you have heard rumors that she has been barred from it.

She listens to what you are saying like she really cares.

When you talk with her, she maintains eye contact all the time.

You ask to borrow a pack of cards for an impromptu bridge evening, and there are 78 cards in the pack.

You ask for suggestions for nice walks in the area, and they all go by way of stone circles and strange earth mounds.

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