We Pagans have our own stories about rebirth as a mystical experience. One that comes immediately to mind, and which is probably familiar to you, is that of the Welsh bard Taliesin. As Gwion, he was the servant and apprentice of Cerridwen, who the bard came to call "The Oldest of the Old.After he accidentally imbibed several drops of magickal elixir Cerridwen had been painstakingly brewing, he gained the insight conferred by that potion.Fearing Cerridwen's displeasure, Gwion fled from Her. Of course, She gave chase. He escaped first in the form of one animal and then another, but always She took the form of a creature who could match him. At last, Gwion, in the form bra kernel of grain was gobbled up by the hen Cerridwen had become.After nine months (or nine days depending on the version), She gave birth to him and proceeded to cast him upon the sea. Fortunately for Gwion, and subsequent Welsh mythology, he was discovered in a fisherman's lines and rescued. Imagine the shock felt by the poor fisherman when, as soon as he'd lifted the babe from his weir, the child began to sing incredible poetry. So, he gave him his name, Taliesin - "of the shining brow" - as the light of inspiration was on the child.So Taliesin, who went on to become one of the most famous Celtic bards, began life as a servant - someone who does things because that's what they're told to do. Gwion gained knowledge through this service to Cerridwen, was reborn after being consumed by Her, and then rejoined the rest of humanity with a new identity.
It seems to me that having a Pagan conversion experience has very little to do with what we know. I wonder, whether there are a lot of us who call ourselves Pagan who haven't as yet been born again. A few of us, not many but some, have grown up from childhood knowing about circles and sabbats, reincarnation and the Goddess We may have learned it just like a child growing up in a Christian home would learn their religion. Most of us, though, learned about Paganism as adults by reading nearly every book we could lay our hands on, by going to a seemingly endless variety of classes, training in XYZ Tradition, and so forth. I don't think though that any of this, including having received initiations in any number of magickal paths, is the same as being born again.
Behavior of itself, going through the motions, can be very empty and meaningless from this perspective. We may be fantastic Pagan citizens who eat low in the food chain, recycle everything in sight, attend every full moon and sabbat ritual, know the invocations by heart, and so forth. However, my experience is that without the born again process, it's hollow knowledge. We measure and weigh the child of magick without holding him in our arms, feeding him, singing songs with him, and fully grasping the mystery of his being. At best, he grabs at our attention well enough to get us to do something. He splashes drops of scalding hot elixir on our thumbs which we stick in our mouths to cool.
But they don't cool - it only intensifies as the Cerridwen in our souls realizes that we are realized (made real) and comes to call us to our personal reckoning. We may run from the calling, we may try taking up any number of other forms. We may try booze, lovers and jobs, but it's of no use. For every new form we take, She takes one equally powerful and continues the chase.
Isn't being reborn the, becoming imbued with the inspiration that changes us, our identity and our worlds, the result of being chased and consumed by the truths we can no longer ignore?
To some extent, it may be the result of the cognitive dissonance created when our minds, souls and actions aren't in harmony.
But it goes beyond cognition. It becomes that word-defying mystical experience gained when we finally stop running, become kernels of grain as it were, and allow ourselves to be embraced by the dark night of our souls. It's standing our ground and turning to face the Hounds of Hell, or the Hen of Cerridwen. It's saying to ourselves and the Universe, I accept. Not "You win, I give in". For there is no losing this - only winning.
To accept the gift of the Universe is to be consumed by Cerridwen, is to be re-linked with the Womb of the Infinite. We accept our empowerment as our previous forms and limitations dissolve. The Universe unfurls before our new awareness as infinite potential of which we are an intrinsic participant. It gives depth, meaning and purpose to the gestures of our religion.
Does this happen in one "easy" step? I don't think so. As with everything else in time/space, it is Process. But I do believe there comes a time for all of us, a personal breakthrough moment, when we comprehend with every fiber of our being the humbling and invigorating power of magick in our lives. Tears may fill our eyes, love our hearts, and a smile of knowing rest gently on our faces. Nothing is ever the same again.
- reprinted from Pathways, Sept/Oct '94 (Crossroads Learning Center, P.O. Box 12184, Seattle, WA 98102)
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